Work To Do

My soul cries.
I can't do anything but sit here and work in the hopes that I don't think too much, that I don't feel. If I feel right now, I'll never finish these finals. God, but I feel like something should change. I bright light just went out of this world and nothing changes. Finals are still due. Life keeps moving on. And there's nothing I can do. No amount of wishing or willing or praying or screaming will change what happened. She's gone. She's not coming back. Damn it. I saw her only a few weeks ago! She was fine!
Now she's gone.
There's no coming back, no see you next time. There is no fucking next time.
Nothing will fix it. Nothing with change it. The tears, the hate, the rage - nothing can change it. I can't even imagine what the driver is feeling right now. One stupid choice and they took a life. I'm angry about it, but my rage will do nothing. They have to live with this for the rest of their life. That's the reality they face. Why add my anger, my hate to that? Maybe it's cold. Maybe it's wrong of me to leave it like that. They'll condem themselves, feel the remorse, face their actions and their consequences. Anything they do to themselves would be worse than anything I could dish out.
Why add to their suffering? Why make it worse? It won't bring her back, won't change the loss or heal the wounds. Is there not enough suffering here as it is? Don't we all hurt enough?
I don't understand why this happens. Why God takes the best of us far too soon. A friend described him as a selfish bastard. Right now, I'm inclined to agree. I know, all is on His time, His will. But this is stupid. She was, what, 25? She had her whole life ahead of her! She touched so many lives, so many people; why cut that short? Why steal her away now, when she could do so much good? I don't get it. I won't ever get it. And it angers me beyond words. Confuses me.

I'm back to being numb. Anger always leads to despair, and that can't happen. I've got work to do.